UpDate

I've been focusing on my old school, long hand journal. It's become a bullet journal this past year as well as a brain dump of sorts and I'm rather pleased with the results. I keep track of my migraines, moods, self harming type and frequency, gratidudes, even a calendar. So really it has all kinds of things going on and I rather like that. Plus I can sustomize as I see fit.

I've been trying essential oils lately for the headaches and my moods. They help some, and anything is better than nothing at all. I've been borderline suicidal for months now. I just keep pushing that line, how close can I get? I've come up with all kinds of ways to die. I'm done, really, just fed up with trying to do it all and make everyone happy. I'm tired. Why do I have to keep trying to survive? Why do I have to?

I see my therapist on Tuesday. I'll have to tell her how I'm feeling, of course. And I see my GP next week and that may mean I have to change meds. I've been on zoloft for several years, and slowly had to up the dose. May be time to switch? May be time to up the dose? May be time to just say "screw it"?