So the other day, my parents and I went to a fast food restaurant to see my niece, nephew, and sister-in-law. In short, it was an ungodly racket. The kids whined or screamed the entire time. Their mother just let them and offered no discipline whatsoever. Personally, I don't want to have anything to do with that lot anymore. I have absolutely no patience for that sort of thing. None.
What really pissed me off though was the information that Red gave us. Apparently, Yoda was in hospital for appendicitis! He had one of his buddies navigate to the communication lines to get a message to his estranged wife. He did not, however, bother to let Dad know. Keep in mind that my father is far easier to contact because he actually has a phone! I was furious! How dare he treat my parents that way. He doesn't love them and doesn't want to have anything to do with them. Its just... GAH!!! I just cannot believe that he would abuse their trust and kindness like that.
Mom now says that she only has one child, me. I am the only one that hasn't treated my parents like shit and abused them. I have never broken their hearts nor been a major disappointment. For this, they are willing to buy me a simple home. I don't want them too, but a mobile home isn't too much. :)
As for me, I will have nothing more to do with him. Oh wait! I haven't had anything to do with him for quite some time. All the bridges have been burned and there is no rebuilding. I've already tried to mend the relationship, I tried for years to no avail. I'm too damned old and too damned tired to deal with his bipolar bull shit.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Edgy Day
So I'm sitting in my favourite coffee shop and I'm feeling damned edgy. I want to fucking scream and shout and injure and I have no concrete reason as to why. I'm freaking out in my head and I can't understand why. Maybe its the stress of having so much going on right now. I don't know. I need to find a new job. Been applying to all sorts of places today, I'd do more, but guess who left the house without her USB stick? Yeah that would be me... Fuck.
I swear there cannot possibly be more ways in which this week can get worse. I really shouldn't say that, Murphy and his Law are sick bastards. I'm feeling exhausted and annoyed. I slept last night and woke to a screaming alarm clock that I silenced quickly by smacking it. Came close to smacking my cactus too. I just want to crawl away and fade. Its like I'm feeling too much and not enough all at once. Its a terrible feeling. Flying down the highway but feeling like you aren't moving at all.
I have set an appointment with Dr B for this Friday. This time, I'm not telling my family that I'm in therapy. They, especially my mother, don't seem to understand why I need it, but then I haven't explained either. I'm just not in the mood to explain myself. Well that isn't exactly true. I did explain once and was ignored. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it. I'm not a Timelord and have no ability to go back in time and fix what is broken, so I'll just do the best I can and move on, as I always have.
I feel so alone in this fight. I'm doing the best I can to keep my mind on straight, but that just seems to make problems worse. I can't possibly do what every one expects of me. I'm tired and weak and annoyed and screaming in my head whilst lying to the world with a smile on face and skip in my step. Lying to the world... that's me. I'm falling back into poor sleeping habits, poor eating habits... when I remember to eat in the first place.
I need to remember to pick up some more matches, I'm almost out and I have some fucking sick attachment to my tools. Such a dirty fool I feel. Foolish foolish... Oh who the hell cares.
I swear there cannot possibly be more ways in which this week can get worse. I really shouldn't say that, Murphy and his Law are sick bastards. I'm feeling exhausted and annoyed. I slept last night and woke to a screaming alarm clock that I silenced quickly by smacking it. Came close to smacking my cactus too. I just want to crawl away and fade. Its like I'm feeling too much and not enough all at once. Its a terrible feeling. Flying down the highway but feeling like you aren't moving at all.
I have set an appointment with Dr B for this Friday. This time, I'm not telling my family that I'm in therapy. They, especially my mother, don't seem to understand why I need it, but then I haven't explained either. I'm just not in the mood to explain myself. Well that isn't exactly true. I did explain once and was ignored. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it. I'm not a Timelord and have no ability to go back in time and fix what is broken, so I'll just do the best I can and move on, as I always have.
I feel so alone in this fight. I'm doing the best I can to keep my mind on straight, but that just seems to make problems worse. I can't possibly do what every one expects of me. I'm tired and weak and annoyed and screaming in my head whilst lying to the world with a smile on face and skip in my step. Lying to the world... that's me. I'm falling back into poor sleeping habits, poor eating habits... when I remember to eat in the first place.
I need to remember to pick up some more matches, I'm almost out and I have some fucking sick attachment to my tools. Such a dirty fool I feel. Foolish foolish... Oh who the hell cares.
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