I really am getting sick of your presence in my life. You offer no help or comfort in this pained world in which I find myself. Often you detract from what little joy I can scrape together. Colours aren't as bright. Smiles aren't as cheerful. You cause me to lie to people who care about me. "I'm fine" is the biggest of these lies.
Why are you even here? I know I didn't invite you, so what gives? Party crasher! What's worse is that I know I'll never be rid of you. I may be able to battle you into a corner for a time, but you just won't leave! Get the clue. I want you gone, evicted from my life, from my brain. Every aspect of my life has been sullied by your existence. Between you and Self-Harm, my life seems to no longer be mine, if it ever was.
You are horrid! I rather hate you and wish you would just go away. You won't though, damned interloper! You're going to crowd my skull for the rest of my life.
-Me
Monday, September 14, 2015
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Worthless
Any one that actually reads this is going to think I keeled over or something...
So the last few months haven't been bad, really. I've been busy with work and by the time I get in I'm so knackered its pointless to write anything. Went from a butt-crack o'dawn job off-loading trucks to working evenings cleaning other people's offices. The other night there was a pair of men's knickers in a waste bin. I really DO NOT want to know the story behind that, seriously.
I went a grand total of 80 days without harming, so there was a plus. I can't remember what triggered me to break the streak but it did and here we are. As of today its been 2 weeks since my last injury.
I'm feeling ignored, worthless. I figured out why its so hard for me to believe that Doc cares a plug nickle for me. I don't feel I deserve it. I haven't earned it, not really. I care for the people that I do because I feel they deserve the love and protection that I give them freely. I don't feel that I'm worth it. I suppose that's why It always confuses me when people worry about me.
Its funny, tell a person who feels like this that they have value... and they won't believe you.
So the last few months haven't been bad, really. I've been busy with work and by the time I get in I'm so knackered its pointless to write anything. Went from a butt-crack o'dawn job off-loading trucks to working evenings cleaning other people's offices. The other night there was a pair of men's knickers in a waste bin. I really DO NOT want to know the story behind that, seriously.
I went a grand total of 80 days without harming, so there was a plus. I can't remember what triggered me to break the streak but it did and here we are. As of today its been 2 weeks since my last injury.
I'm feeling ignored, worthless. I figured out why its so hard for me to believe that Doc cares a plug nickle for me. I don't feel I deserve it. I haven't earned it, not really. I care for the people that I do because I feel they deserve the love and protection that I give them freely. I don't feel that I'm worth it. I suppose that's why It always confuses me when people worry about me.
Its funny, tell a person who feels like this that they have value... and they won't believe you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)