So tonight there was a thing... Mum got upset with someone who ignored her, according to her. She always sees things that aren't there. A person may not have ignored you, just not noticed, but I can't say that nor anything similar because she goes all "you don't need to defend them! I understand its your friend." Her voice is always full of venom when she says that, like she's now pissed at me for doing what she taught me, looking on the fucking bright side like Pollyanna.
So I cam home, made lunch for tomorrow, put on a damn happy show for about an hour then went to my room, cut my arm, and slammed a shot of schnapps. The alcohol has gone to my head, I want to sleep. I may have blown a three week stretch, but I didn't mix alcohol and sleep aides. Yay me...
Therapy today and Doc has decided that we need to go into the trauma of my school years. Joy... That was hell then and I'm not excited to go back into it, but it needs to be done. All my life, my emotions have been shoved into a box and locked away. I've been told that I have to just leave my past behind me, but its not working. I've tried it everyone else's way, but all its done is drive me to self harm.
Damn... just damn it.
