I'm a writer, its my one talent. I use the writing as an outlet. My nightmares become stories, my emotions morph into poetry. What happens when I am "healed", I wonder? What happens to my writing when and if I am no longer depressed and having such thoughts? I fear loosing the power of my writing.
I guess the question becomes "Am I willing to loose some of my writing for the sake of a healthy(er) mind?" I'm not sure. And that unease bothers me. For instance, according to many of my online friends who know of my current situation, this poem below is among my very best.
Heaven's Tears
a music is filling the earth once more
a moment in time that I long for
the feeling of a planet sharing
emotions with me
the sky has turned from blue
to deep grays of stormed emotions
finally, the sky cannot hold
her tears a moment longer
and sighs heavily.
cool rain drops caress my face
and cool my anger, reminding me
that even the cosmos need a release.
my heart is dark and breaking and
it seems the world knows this,
crying with me so I don't feel alone.
the city is breathing with me
feeling the cool sensation of rain
as it washes away the filth of so many sins.
my arms raise skyward as the drops wash
over scars and marks,
purifying me.
I'm crying with the skies, with the heavens.
Only in the moments of heavenly pain
can I feel truly understood.
Even God is weeping, for one... for many.
Beautiful poem. Utterly beautiful. Though, I may disagree with some of its premises.
ReplyDeleteAs for your questions: perhaps you should come up with some empirical evidence for the presupposed answers to your questions? Fear is a disgusting obstacle. It, fear, in most cases, restricts progress. However, your question depends on the rationality--or, rather: the (subconscious and conscious) truth--of your question. If your question is developed from an objective--as much as a mind can experience objectivity--, truthful, curiosity, than the answer must, therefore, be as truthful as the question. Thus, you must enter your subconscious, or presuppose your question is completely conscious.
More accurately--and to the point--what is of more importance to you: writing or life? And how can you know a "healthy" mind means unhealthy writing? Not only the initial definition of life, but all of the things that human life entails. Is a healthy mind worthy of life?
Have you experienced a healthy mind? Have you attempted to experience a healthy mind--or are you in love with your, supposedly, damaged mind? Is your damaged mind of more importance if you have experienced a "healthy" mind? What does a "healthy" mind entail? What makes your poems feel real, or of sagacious value? Would your poems still resonate with other people if they weren't based off of pain? If you've never had a healthy mind, how can you know your writing would suffer? Do you believe that the only significance your writing has is melancholy? Is it worth it to experiment with happiness--or, at least, an attempt at happiness--to see if your writing decreases in its enthusiasm or creativity? If you've never experienced a "healthy" mind, then how can you presuppose that your poem--influenced by pain--is the best work you can do?
There are many, many more questions than the ones you've stated here. I believe you know that. In any eventuality, would it not be of value to pursue other outcomes--even for the short term?
I wish you luck in your search. ^-^
Also, if you don't want me replying to your [osts, just tel me and I won't offer such arrogent advice--or any--in the future. ^-^
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