So today, Doc asked if I thought it might be helpful to myself if I let her see my scars. Really see them, not just the glances that I'm sure she's gotten. Honestly, I think it might be time. The thought alone makes me edgy and slightly panicked, I've never really offered to or allowed someone to see the scars. Nightengale is the exception. Maybe it would be helpful, to her and to me.
You see, self harm has become this huge secret that gets in my way. Maybe by allowing her in a little more, it'll help me to be more open in general? Am I scared? Yes. Am I willing to try something new? Yes. Do I think it'll help? I'm not so sure, but willing to try.
Honestly, the scars, while mentioned, are not address directly. Feels like an elephant in the room that I don't want to think about, which of course makes me think about it more. I think that showing her will take away some of the guilt or shame in hiding.
All right... here goes. Next week, I'll show her my scars. God... did I just say that? Must have done, I feel slightly nauseous. And a bit light headed. But there it is, I said it, I'll do it.
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