Therapy

Finally, I have the proper insurance coverage to go to therapy. Now its just me trying to find a therapist in my area that can deal with self injury. I think I may have found two that could work out all right. Both of them have worked with eating disorders, which are indeed a method of self injury, though not one I have employed to the point of needing help for it.

I'm a wrist banger, a cutter and a burner. All of which deal with control for me, so having a therapist that has worked with EDs before should be equipped to help someone like me. Or at least I hope so. There seems to be very few in my area that are capable of working with self injury, and I refuse to see a man. I have this aversion to being in a closed with a male for that long. I'm sure he'd frown on my bringing a knife into the session. Its bad enough I carry my tools with me, "just in case". I really shouldn't carry the knife too, which I do not use for self harm, in case you're wondering.

I think what has me bothered about the whole therapy thing is that I'll have some one who knows, really knows about self harm and can help me, but the question I ask myself is this: Am I ready to quit? I use self harm to control my emotions, what happens when that controler is gone? What do I do then? By that point I hope to have a better system of self in place. What I mean by that is I hope that I can be free from SI and live as a "normal" person who has a proper control over herself. I'm not seeking complete normalcy, that's unrealistic. I want to simply be me, without the SI. I've had it part of me for so long, I'm not sure what my world would be like without it.