But Weight- There's More

I've been noticing patterns of late, especially in my eating habits. I seem almost fixated on not eating sugary things or drinking sodas, though the coffee is ever present. I keep having the same thought run through my mind, "I need to loose a few damned pounds." This has happened before, but not with the intensity of this current bout.

I have a health assessment coming up soon. Later in the year, there's a follow up assessment to see if I have improved with their recommendations. I fear that if I don't pass those assessments then I will loose a $35 credit off my health insurance. I was unaware that I was going to be forced, or better coerced, into changing how I am. I'm not fat, per se, but I could stand to loose a few pounds. My dress size is 20, but I'm 5' 11" tall, so that weight doesn't show like you'd think it would. I'm already in a poor mind set, the last thing I need is a stupid doctor telling me I'm going to die for being fat. I know I'm fat and up till very recently, I didn't care. Now I'm starting to care.

 I have also made a personal discovery of a positive nature (for once). My nightmares have been pretty bad of late, by that I mean they have been terrifying. I made a play list on my iPod that I have titled "Night Melody". I play this almost every night as I sleep. The calming music seems to keep me focused on dreams that aren't so horrific. I get to downgrade from Terror to simply Bad or Disturbing. Neither of the latter two categories are nearly as horrible as the first. I'm not sure what will happen if I stop playing the music. That's a fun tangent to go off on-- "What happens when the music stops?" A fun tangent but not one I want to crawl through tonight.

Be well and sleep pretty all...