How did this start? How did this tail spin begin? I started thinking this morning, wondering what came first, the depression or the anxiety? I always seem to remember being rather vigilant, watching everything and everyone. To me that's normal to watch and be aware. Now I have a chicken and egg thing, which came first?
I can say that I remember being and feeling depressed starting about age 12. Many things happened that year. New school with constant abuse, my trailer was demolished by a dump truck and my mother was thrown and hit a tree. We didn't have much money, never did... there was nothing but stress and sadness. I seem to have carried it all my life. I think the anxiety came from those events over the course of that year, and the things that happened after. Must have triggered the anxiety, PTSD, whatever... They say that PTSD can appear sometimes years later. Guess what?
I have an appointment with my GP in a week that I plan to use to see if I can have my meds changed, the last one didn't help for squat. I need to get my condition under control before the conventions this summer, before I go to New York. I want my life back and if medication with talk therapy is the way to do it, then so be it.
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