Three in Three

So the last post was from October, it was the day after a little boy's death. So much has happened since then.

In November, two of my friends were in hospital for various reasons. One had a quadruple bypass and is fairing much better. The other sadly died on the 22nd. She was loved and young! Only about 45-50. I stayed with her two grown children for the first week, mostly to keep the house up and make sure they ate and slept. It was a trying month, November.

December wasn't much better. An elderly man in my congregation was having complications from his chemo. After a long battle, he died on the 30th. He was about 60-70. I liked him, he was nice and sweet, funny. His wife is devastated. She kept telling him to not die first, that she didn't want to be a widow. In the end, his body couldn't push itself any further.

So there we have it. Three deaths in three months. All of whom were members of my congregation and we are a very close knit group. These last few months have been very hard on all of us. I'm not dealing well. I've become emotionally involved with them all and I never really meant for that to happen.

I remember when I felt nothing, I was numb. But of course I was also a damned zombie, not sleeping, barely eating, just going through the motions of life. Now I actually care, and seeing their pain rips me apart. I have nothing to say, no words can take the pain away. Nothing can make it better.

I'm not sure which is worse: Feeling nothing, or feeling too much.