I can feel myself starting to talk in circles again while in therapy. I'm sure that Doc has noticed. I think I'm a bit scared to let go of so much, of so many secrets. Its hard to let go of things that I've held onto for so long. Its just strange that I should want to hang onto such things.
Today we discussed abnormalities, at least in the way that the average adult thinks of them. I'm a geek and I love it. Most of my friends and acquaintances are not so there is often a gap. Even among injurers, I feel a bit strange because burning isn't nearly as common as eating disorders and cutting. I never really feel as if I belong anywhere.
The only place I feel myself is online, in my chatroom. I can be myself, I don't have to lie or fake it. I guess in a way I feel that if I talk too much, I may loose parts of myself instead of gaining. Strange, I never think that I'm worth saving. I'm self-deprecating, self-loathing. Honestly, it surprises me that I have friends at all.
Its funny, I think of all these things that I would want to talk to Doc about during the week, but when I get to her office that all goes right out the damned window.
No comments:
Post a Comment