I'm strung out. I took a sleeping pill, a muscle relaxer and an Irish coffee last night. Now I'm feeling like I had a bad high, groggy, sluggish. I keep taking blame for things I don't do and its wearing me down. I know its not my fault, but if I don't take the blame then my parents get annoyed with me.
I've been taking sleeping pills too often these days, cutting too much, burning more often. I just turned twenty-seven and my life is a mess. If only my parents knew how my head is... though I'm glad they don't. I'm sure they would kick me on my ear and race me out of town. Its a disgrace to them, I think. I told them once and Dad called me a liar, Mom said nothing at all. So I don't say anything about being an injurer.
I'm beyond tired. I need to get back to therapy. The question is how am I going to afford it without insurance. When I got fired, that took away so much I had worked toward. It was like getting the rug yanked from under me. Now I have to start all over again.
I'm feeling old, tired, half the woman I used to be and not all because I was fired. Just want to curl up and sleep all day.
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