Last night I over heard Mum and Dad talking. She was saying something about me not listening to her when I was a teenager. I had -sin of all sins- called an adult by their first name! Oh the horror! She said that she couldn't believe I'd chosen them over her. I mean really... I was grounded for two weeks because of that. I think I paid for my sin. Now I realize that while she says she forgives, she doesn't really. I get called a bad Christian because of my unwillingness to be around people that I know are gossiping and being unloving, the last a command from Jesus that we are to obey. "You haven't forgiven them, Alki, until you do, you'll never be a Christian."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!! She's the one who's not forgiven anyone! She keeps bringing up all the times that others have hurt her. The fact that she doesn't forget is also unchristian, means she's "keeping an account of the injury". DUH, good Christians aren't supposed to do that.
I can't believe that after all this time, she's still holding that sin over my head. There is no way that I can atone for it either. I already punish myself more then is necessary, what more does she want? Because of the events of last night, I'm not eating this morning. Maybe that could atone? But alas no... nothing will work.
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