Invalid

That's how I feel all the time, as if all my emotions mean nothing to anyone. I finally told my parents that I feel as if my emotions aren't valid to them. They deftly changed the subject and made me sound "too prideful". Sure, I have a sense of pride, everyone does. I can't tolerate stupidity too well, this reflects because I cannot stop myself from saying something.

I'm just so sick and tired of feeling as if I am not good enough to have any emotion other then "happy happy joy joy". I want to scream at them, "SHUT UP!" But that won't do any good. They don't listen anyway. I just have to suck it up, deal with it.

I'm dying for a blade, a match... I don't care, I just don't want to deal with this right now. I want to take sleeping pills so I don't have to dream, so I don't have to think. I'm so sick of it all!! I don' know how much longer I can do this, act like a good little girl when all I want to do is scream and fight. Instead, I sit and listen to people I love tell me that I'm not good enough. I have to allow them to tell me that they love me on conditions. I have to hear as they say that they won't allow me to "be abusive" verbally or otherwise, when I did nothing to warrant that. If anything I am the one who has to deal with all the emotional crap they throw on me every single day.

So... I sit and listen and wait until I'm alone long enough to "cope".