So tonight I made dinner of chicken fajitas with bell peppers and onions and a side of salad. It was a big hit, Dad had three servings. I'm glad he enjoyed it, though it would be nice if he actually said something once in a while. I make dinner rather often and he rarely tells me if he liked it, so I don't know if I need to change something or not bother cooking it again.
Of course where his damned pride is concerned, I'll not hear the end of it. For instance, Brutus was the house last week when I got home and it was quite a shock. I'm not terribly fond of him and view him as a liar and betrayer. My father seems to think he is perfectly kind and has changed. Not from what I saw! It was an argument the moment I walked into the door. Again Dad said nothing and I had no warning. I don't care that I forgot my cell at home, just having the courtesy of a text would have been appreciated and I wouldn't have been angry at Dad. He knows that I don't like my brother. At least let me know! Bit what happens the next day? I get in trouble for not being kind to a guest! GUEST?! More like an enemy invited into the gates and given plans to the inner citadel!
Brutus also stayed the night, not leaving until after I had gone to work that morning. I had to lock my door for the first time in almost two years. He's stolen from me before and I did not want a repeat. Dad didn't like that too much and I did not care. What I did care about was having a situation made very clear to me that I was no longer wanted in this house. It seems that since I can't acknowledge that Brutus is my brother and has changed, I am being disrespectful. I view it as self preservation. This entire thing is a big ass mess which left me feeling urgy for hours afterward. A feeling that I gave into. I cut and that makes me feel like a failure. I tried deep breathing and cross stitching and knitting as distractions. No luck.
I wish I could talk to my therapist, but I won't see her for another week. I wish my health insurance would kick in, then I could see her more often.
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